Frequently Asked Questions
Q: I've recently begun taking care of my 6 month old grandson and 3-year-old granddaughter. What's the best way that I can baby-proof my home and be ready in case of a medical emergency?
A: It's good that you're thinking about these things in advance. Once an emergency arises is not the time to start deciding what to do! The first thing to do, as you noted, is to prevent as many hazardous situations as possible by taking time to childproof your home. One way to do this is to get down at baby eye–level and see just what fascinating but dangerous things there are to play with in his world. You'll probably find much that way, but it pays to do a little extra research from expert sources. They have compiled detailed lists of potential hazards in the average home, many that may not be things we'd think of until it was too late. You can find one such list at http://home.ivillage.com/cleanandorganize/organize/0,,7f92-2,00.html A good first-aid kit should also be on hand and restocked regularly. Make sure you have these numbers either programmed into the speed dial of your phone, or posted permanently in an easy to access place:
Poison Control Center
Your grandchildren's pediatrician
Work numbers for the children's parents
Other important suggestions for first-aid for kids are listed at http://yourtotalhealth.ivillage.com/first-aid-kits-children.html
Q: My daughter is expecting our first grandchild this summer. We're very excited about this, but have a concern about how our dog and the new baby will get along. We are planning to do childcare in our home once my daughter returns to work, and our dog, who is 7 years old, is not used to children at all. Any suggestions?
A: Congratulations on your expected grandparenthood! And good for you for thinking ahead about the pet-baby interaction. Because you've started early there are a lot of problems you will likely be able to avoid with some advance preparation. Here are a few things that are recommended to get your pet ready for the new arrival:
Make sure your pet has a thorough veterinary exam before the baby arrives. Undetected health problems can make a pet less able to tolerate changes in its environment, such as a crying baby. Also, make sure your pet is free from parasites internal and external for the health of the entire family.
If possible, before you bring the baby into your home, bring a blanket, worn article of clothing or even a used diaper to let your pet get used to the scent of the baby. Pets are usually curious about the new visitor so allow yours to sniff the baby and get used to it's smells and sounds.
Pets can become jealous of the attention you're now expending on the baby, so keep your interactions with your pet positive. Treats and rewards as well as talking reassuringly to your pet will help it to adjust to the new family member. More suggestions can be found at:http://store.babycenter.com/home.do?intcmp=Store_Contentsite_popunder&popunder=true
Q: Are there any support groups for grandparents providing childcare for their grandkids? I love them so much, and I'm glad I can help their parents in this way, but to be honest, this isn't what I expected to be doing at this point in my life. Sometimes I feel very overwhelmed and isolated, even though I know many other grandparents are doing the same job.
A: Although you may feel somewhat guilty for feeling this way, you need to know that nearly every grandparent who spends a great deal of time providing care for their grandchildren feels this way at some time or another. And, you guessed it, the most beneficial way to deal with these emotions is to find the support you need! Spending time with others who are in the same situation, sharing stories and advice and maybe a few laughs can do wonders for any sense of isolation we might feel. Grandparent support groups are springing up all over the country, and a good place to start looking is at AARP.org. There you'll find out how to find or even start a support group in your area. Go to: http://www.aarp.org/families/grandparents/focus_on_the_caregiver/a2004-01-20-supportgroups.html
Q: I have custody of my young grandchildren and am thrilled that I’m able to care for them in their parents’ absence, but they continually express feelings of resentment toward me taking their parents’ place. What, if anything, can I do about that?
A: Your grandchildren will prefer to be with their parents, especially if they are very young and feeling a lot of separation anxiety. Don’t try to convince them otherwise: their feelings are real and they need to express them. You can help reduce their anxiety by telling them you understand their feelings and share them. Help them be aware that you are their mommy or daddy’s parent and that you miss your child very much, too. Share their pain and talk about it.
Q: I have custody of my grandchildren. They’re so rebellious. When I tell them to do something they almost always say ‘no’ and I have to struggle to get even the simplest chores done.
A: Remember how you felt as a child? We come into this world striving to be independent and resourceful. To begin with, let them do as many things for themselves and make as many decisions for themselves as you possibly can, even from the earliest years, and praise them for their decisions, good and not so good. A general rule is to only interfere when they’re likely to kill or maim themselves. But, of course, they can’t attack their siblings, and so forth. Have a well-defined rule you can refer to for that sort of thing and just restate it calmly. If that doesn’t work, a short time out works very well. Sometimes they’ll even take the time out on their own. Beware of setting up a power struggle. No one wins those. If you need them to do something, let them know what is and why (I think ‘why’ is a biggie) well in advance, and then, depending on their age and whether you think it will be helpful, calmly let them know that they’re getting closer to the moment when it must be done. This gives them a sense of power over their own schedule. Oh, here’s a really common problem: if the little ones refuse to wear their coats when it’s cold outside, just carry it yourself. They’ll ask for it when they finally feel the cold!
Q: I can’t seem to think of ways to interact with my custodial grandchildren. I don’t know what to say. How do I overcome that?
A: First of all, make time to listen to them and get to know what they enjoy and what their concerns are. There is no dirty dish that really minds sitting crusting on the sink for a while (not forever, though!). Stop bustling, look at them, make eye contact, listen to whatever they’re willing to say. When you know the subject, there will always be interesting, enjoyable things to learn and talk about. It’s easier, then, to relate to them. Ask questions that you’d really like to know the answer to: they’ll love to teach you. The first week of school I tried asking my kindergarten-age granddaughter what she did at school and got dead silence. Since I realized I’d fallen into a really well-oiled trap, I thought about that a while and tried a different approach. I asked her how many rooms she went to outside her home room that day. It was a specific question she could easily answer and from there it was easy to move on to talk of computers, art, and gym in the way you’d talk to your adult friends. (Whew!) Now she actually looks forward to telling me how many and which rooms she did or didn’t go to each day. The most important rule though, is to be genuine. Do what comes naturally for you. Just remember that children of all ages want to succeed and want to be loveable, so just let them know in your own way how wonderful and interesting they are, and tell them you love them.